Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
