You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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