just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jerry, you need to find god
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
