so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
