you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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