I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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