man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
