I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
