I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
