so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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