I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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