Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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