I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have aggressive nipples.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
