Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
