yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
