so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
