Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
