Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
