I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
