dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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