I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
