If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
