I wish my penis had an off switch
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
