he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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