Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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