I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
