I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
