So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
