How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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