I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
