fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
