Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
