How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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