She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
