Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
