Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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