I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
