Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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