Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
