I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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