I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
