Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
