he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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