he puts the penis in happiness.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
