I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm both gender and math confused
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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