she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
