just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it hurts more in the daytime
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
