we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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