a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need water and some morals
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
