you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
