dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.