My room smells like vodka and shame
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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