i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers