Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread