If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
