I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
