Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
