just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
