They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
