mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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