that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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