I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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