What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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