I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
