I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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