You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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