My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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