I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
