What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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