I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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