Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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