I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
