...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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