I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
