my room smells like sperm. sweet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
