You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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