Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
