I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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