all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize