We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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