Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
