I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she smelled like a LAN party
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
