I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
