I'd wear matching sweaters with you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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