omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
