Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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