I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
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My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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