I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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