My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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