Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
