I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
