I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
