Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
