sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
