Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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